Child-Centered Divorce: Beyond the Parenting Plan

January is designated Child-Centered Divorce Month, an opportunity to delve into the intricacies beyond child custody often overshadowed by legalities. While the focal point remains on custody and financial support, a child-centered divorce extends its reach, encompassing the holistic well-being of the children involved. In this exploration, we go beyond discussing the parenting plan, shedding light on crucial aspects that impact children in a divorce.

Crafting a Solid Foundation: The Deep Durable Agreement

The cornerstone of a child-centered divorce lies in creating a deep, durable agreement. Collaborating with professionals, such as experienced mediators or collaborative divorce teams, ensures a comprehensive resolution of financial issues. This agreement, void of ambiguity, emphasizes full disclosure of assets, leaving minimal room for future conflicts. When parents rely on fill-in-the blank forms or create plans that provide for things to happen far in the future, the potential for conflict increases.

Equitable Distribution—Equitable Homes: Personal Property Division with Children in Mind

As we navigate the landscape of personal property division, the paradigm has shifted since the days of fathers moving out and living in sparsely furnished “bachelor pads.” Ensuring both parents have items of sentimental value to the children is pivotal. The goal is not just a division of the furniture and décor of the marital home, but creating equally comfortable homes for the children, fostering a sense of security.

Real Property, Real Fairness: Striving for Equitable Division

In the realm of real property division, the law requires that the property be divided equitably. The children will benefit when both parents feel satisfied with the division, believing it to be fair.  They may also benefit when the two households have consistent lifestyles.

"The House" Dilemma: Prioritizing the Children's Needs

When contemplating the fate of the family home, be curious!  Don’t make assumptions.  It is often a good idea to collaborate with a child specialist or neutral party to honestly evaluate whether maintaining the family home truly serves the children's best interests. Often I see parents who want to say in the marital home, assume that the children find that to be important. Sometimes, successful child-centered parenting plans involve both parents relocating to areas conducive to the children's schooling, creating a convenient transition between homes.

The Stay-at-Home Parent Dilemma: A Delicate Balance

Whether one parent should continue as a stay-at-home parent post-divorce requires careful evaluation.  In those situations, the parent may need to receive spousal support or alimony to avoid returning to the workforce. A neutral party can assist.  They might help the family look at the budgets to determine if this plan is feasible once two households are supported, both in the long and short term.  They may also work with the parents and share research on the impact of having full-time parents at home during different developmental stages.  Finally, neutrals may explore options where both parents change work schedules to minimize the time children spend with third parties.

Disentanglement and Timely Resolutions: Minimizing Future Conflicts

A child-centered divorce emphasizes the importance of prompt disentanglement post-divorce. While waiting for the legal separation period may be necessary, proactively resolving financial matters prevents long-term entanglements. Clear boundaries, especially concerning shared assets like the marital home, are essential to reducing potential future conflicts. Parents need to be careful when deciding to jointly retain assets, such as the marital home, beyond the divorce.  Issues such as maintenance, repairs, timely payments, and divisions of proceeds at the time of sale are often contentious issues when the home is not resolved at the time of the divorce.

As we navigate the complexities of divorce, adopting a child-centered approach involves not only legal proceedings but also a commitment to fostering an environment that prioritizes the well-being of the family—and the children involved. We move beyond the conventional adversarial processes by addressing these facets, laying the groundwork for a more harmonious post-divorce family life. For more information about how the law divides property or establishes support, I have a collection of free videos available here. For a free meeting with me, schedule it here.