Estate Planning: Forty Questions to Ask Yourself BEFORE You Meet with Your Attorney

Many people dread and postpone estate planning (I know I have!). October is a month set aside to think about these items and gain some clarity about what you are seeking in your plans. However, planning should be intentional and deliberate. Some people are satisfied spending thirty minutes filling out internet forms, spending a few hundred dollars, and calling it a day. Others set aside thousands of dollars to hire an experienced attorney to help them create an estate plan that will minimize tax consequences for their heirs or assure them that if they develop a long-term illness, they will qualify for Medicaid. 

Don’t make this mistake!  Both strategies may ignore the impact of their decisions on relationships.  They prioritize efficiency, saving money, or saving taxes over creating good relationships.  What are your options if you do want to prioritize relationships? How do you know if your plan may imperil important relationships? I’ve developed a short quiz to help you decide on what type of process would best promote your desires in your estate plan.  

1. Directions:  Answer True or False to each statement. Warning: this test may create anxiety.  Feel free to take a break and come back to it, but try to finish the full quiz on the same day. One of the most important parts of my estate plan is to provide my family with guidance about what to do after my death. 

2. I have a close friend or family member who has suggested that I don't have the capacity to create a will or a power of attorney. 

3. I own real property (physical land). 

4. The value of my estate, including all property that I own, is more than $50,000.00. 

5. I do not have long-term care insurance (or otherwise have adequate assets) to cover the cost of a nursing home. 

6. My estate includes a vacation home I own with another person or persons (even a spouse). 

7. My estate includes a business that generates income for our family. 

8. I want more than one person to be a beneficiary of my estate. 

9. My beneficiaries have not agreed on how real property should be divided. 

10. My beneficiaries have not agreed on how the assets other than real property should be divided. 

11. I do not want my real property to be sold after my death. I want it to be retained by at least one beneficiary. 

12. I have many items of historical value that I want to be preserved. 

13. I have many items of sentimental value that I want to be preserved. 

14. I have a collection that has financial value. 

15. I have children who are potential beneficiaries of my estate. 

16. My children have a different parent than my current spouse. 

17. I have children under the age of 18. 

18. My spouse would rely on my estate for financial support. 

19. My children know very little about my financial situation, and I want to keep it that way until I decide otherwise. 

20. I rarely rely on my children to help me make financial or medical decisions. 

21. I do not feel that my children consistently rely on good people to influence their decisions. 

22. My beneficiaries do not know each other. 

23. My beneficiaries have conflicts with one another. 

24. My beneficiaries do not speak to one another. 

25. My beneficiaries have not spent at least 72 consecutive hours with one another in the last twelve consecutive months. 

26. My beneficiaries live more than 200 miles away from one another. 

27. My beneficiaries have children who I do not trust fully with making decisions about my assets. 

28. My beneficiaries are married to spouses whom I do not trust fully with making decisions about my assets. 

29. I do not want all of my children to be beneficiaries of my estate.  

30. My beneficiary or beneficiaries are married, and I would not want their spouse to receive 50% of what I leave that beneficiary. 

31. I do not have a trusted person to manage my financial matters. 

32. I cannot identify two people that I trust to make medical decisions for me in conformity with the directions I may write down in advance. 

33. The people or persons I have relied on in the past are no longer available to help me make tough medical decisions. 

34. I have debts or loans involving family members. 

35. I have made oral promises to family or friends about what I want done with my estate, including my personal property, such as a collection or sentimental items. 

36. I have not made any burial or funeral arrangements. 

37. I want to leave some of my estate to charitable organizations. 

38. I want to have two people be co-executors or share my power of attorney. 

39. I have a will, but it is more than ten years old, or I can't find it.  

40. I want my family and friends to have good relationships with one another after my passing. 

Scoring: 

Score one point for each statement you marked as being “True.” 

0 Points:  Based on your responses, it looks like you may have a small estate that may not need to be probated in Virginia. You do not anticipate needing Medicaid and anticipate that your beneficiaries may readily agree to your estate plan. While you may be able to attend a low-cost clinic to create your estate plan and avoid mediation and/or retaining an attorney, it is always best to consult with an attorney before creating your plan. Only with legal counsel can you be assured you have considered all options in creating your estate. 

1-12 Points: Your loved ones get along pretty well, and you have a relatively uncomplicated situation for your estate plan. You may not need mediation before you create an estate plan. Schedule an informal meeting with your family and beneficiaries. Discuss these issues with your beneficiaries and reach a consensus on how your estate may be managed and who should be appointed as your medical and legal power of attorney. Once you do that, schedule an appointment with a lawyer and bring your family members with you to ensure your plans reflect your desires and your beneficiaries’ understanding. If a conflict arises during the drafting, you may want to work with a mediator or the estate planning attorney to resolve it before the documents are signed. 

12-25 Points: Your family and friends would likely benefit from meeting with you and a qualified mediator before you create your estate plan. You should contact a mediator and review the items that you’ve answered “True” to help determine if an informal meeting with your family members, without a neutral facilitator, will be possible before you create your estate plan with an attorney. 

25-40 Points: Your estate and the relationships of your family members suggest that you would benefit from working with a mediator to reduce the potential for future conflicts. Your situation includes several areas that often cause conflicts after someone passes. If you want peace of mind, be sure that you’ve created an estate plan that will improve relationships, not splinter or destroy them. Consult with a mediator to create an option that will take your loved ones into the future, enjoying the relationships you’ve created in your lifetime. 

Remember: The information provided in this article does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice; instead, it is for general informational purposes only. To learn more about how mediation may help your family in estate planning, contact us for a free meeting.