Creating an Effective Parenting Plan
When parents of children divorce, most want to create an effective parenting plan that maximizes the potential for the children’s well-being. When I started practicing law in 1987, we did not have parenting plans. I would file a complaint seeking the divorce, the other party would file a response, and we'd go to court. Our county had two ways of dealing with the issue:
Schedule A or Schedule B. Under one schedule, the parent got every other weekend and Wednesday evening for dinner. Schedule B was one weekend a month.
Fortunately, things have changed. Most parents enjoy custodial time with their children, and no one is relegated to a few weekends of "visitation." However, with this change towards co-parenting, the parents must learn new ways of communicating about the children, often best accomplished with a parenting plan. In the parenting plan, the parents decide how to make decisions about their child's religious and educational upbringing and medical decisions.
The parenting plan also details how the child will live in two houses at once, celebrate important holidays, and enjoy a summer vacation. When parents divorce and present the agreement to the judge, judges usually adopt them as part of the court order when the judge believes that they promote the best interest of the child.
Here are a few tips parents can use to create a parenting plant that works for their family.
Create a deep, durable agreement. Think beyond this week or this month. Try to anticipate changes that may occur in the next few years. An agreement that addresses difficult subject areas may be the one that will make it possible for parents to maintain a healthy relationship.
Be precise, but create flexibility. Start by being decisive and precise. Decide on a schedule for each parent's custodial time: days, times, where to transfer custody, etc., and put the details in writing. Only then should you include a provision that allows for flexibility or changes by agreement.
When thinking about custodial schedules, review your work schedules. Explore the work schedule to find times when parents are not working and can be with the children. Maximize the time parents (and not third parties) can spend with the children.
Maintain traditions in sharing holidays. What are your family and extended family's holiday traditions? Can they be maintained? I often see families where one side celebrates Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day. Some have Thanksgiving dinner early in the day and others in the evening. Figuring out how to maintain those traditions and help maintain extended family relationships and often create a more successful plan.
Spell out how you will share decision-making. What church or school will your child attend? When might that change? What physician will your children go to? Who will schedule appointments? Should both parents agree about extra-curricular activities? How will you resolve differences when you disagree? Mediation? Deciding this at the beginning of co-parenting can help minimize miscommunications and provide a framework for sharing decisions.
Create wide opportunities for children to enjoy custodial time with both parents. Avoid measuring minutes or hours to be exactly 50-50. Instead, focus on how the children can spend enough time with both parents. Many families prefer that this is approximately equal between the houses so that the children feel at home in both locations. (States, such as West Virginia, have adopted laws that require a presumption that custody is pretty equally shared.)
Avoid form parenting plans. You can find many forms of parenting plans on the internet. It is okay to read them, but avoid adopting them as your own. They may involve laws in a different state. Others may focus on areas that are not important to you or may overlook those you need to address. Your family is not a cookie-cutter family, and neither should your parenting plan.
Don't go at it alone. Consider working with a mediator, a family therapist, or a collaborative divorce team to create a plan. Having a neutral third party helps structure your conversations and may make them more productive. Experienced professionals may also help identify areas that you may not have considered. My firm, Waugh Law & Mediation, provides in-person and online mediation services to families creating parenting plans. We offer a sliding fee scale for low-income families and work with families in Virginia and West Virginia. You can schedule a free meeting with Brenda online.