Mediation promotes child-centered divorce

Today's post continues the series that we are publishing during child-centered divorce month. Recall that a child-centered divorce is a process that places the interests and needs of the children at least as high as those of the parents. It often recognizes that the needs of family members are not always distinguishable from one another. Less stress and anxiety in the divorce process benefit the whole family. But let's look at five ways that mediation promotes a child-centered divorce.

1. Informed Decision-Making: In mediation, the people who know the most about the situation make the decisions. When a judge decides how children will be raised in a divorce, the decision is based on very small bits and pieces of evidence that are admitted into the court record. The information is limited to, at most, a few days of trial and, more often, a few hours of a temporary hearing. Sometimes, a lawyer is appointed for the children, called a guardian ad litem or a parenting coordinator visits the family and provides the judge with a report. But there is no way a third party can know the children as well as their family knows them. Mediation puts the decision-making in the hands of the parents, not the judge, and they have the most information about the children and their needs.

2. Improved Parental Relationship: The parents have the opportunity to improve their relationship as parents rather than harm it during the mediation process. The approach is more team-based when you use mediation or collaborative divorce to decide issues in your divorce. The parents work together to solve the problems they identify. However, when you use the other option - litigation, it is an adversarial method of dispute resolution. In other words, the process sees that two parties have competing interests, and they hire attorneys to protect their rights and interests against one another. It's an entirely different way of looking at how to solve disputes involving the children and marital property and support. When the parties work together in mediation and strive to address problems collaboratively, it sets the stage for future interactions.

3. Flexible Timeline: In mediation, the parties impacted will set the timeline. The parties can decide when various steps are taken, from separation to filing for divorce. Our office usually recommends that the parties reach an agreement before they file for divorce. This means that everyone can take the time they need to understand the financial and legal issues and explore and try out options for parenting schedules. When parties select litigation, the court generally has time standards to meet in processing the cases.

4. Comprehensive Issue Resolution: In mediation, many more issues can be addressed than in court. In court, the judges are usually limited to what is in the statutes and case law. This means that some issues that might be important to the parties but are not part of the legal framework are never addressed. It also might mean that areas that might be an issue in the future may not be addressed in the parenting plan, raising the potential for future harm. For example, in most of my parenting plans, the parents elect to include a provision that addresses how the children might meet a new partner. Nothing in the law requires this. However, in my thirty-five years of practice, I've seen this as an area that often creates conflicts months or years after the divorce. Getting it out in the open and dealing with it is best.

5. Cost Savings: Yes, mediation saves money, and more money available to the family means more money for extracurricular events, vacations, education for the children, and quality time with the family. The average litigated divorce in the US currently costs [insert cost]. However, the average mediated divorce tends to cost $15,000-$20,000. Parents wanting to be strategic about the budget should consider this issue when deciding on the process for their divorce.

There you have it! There may be five hundred reasons mediation promotes a child-centered divorce, but here are the five most parents cite when hiring our office to mediate their family law matters. It is just common sense when if a family is trying to find a way to have the parents live in separate houses while maintaining good relationships with the children, they are working directly with one another and together rather than relying on two lawyers to negotiate, without the parents even being present.

What’s next? If you have questions about the laws in Virginia or West Virginia, you can view my videos here. If you would like to schedule a free meeting with me, you can do that right now, here.