Collaborative law provides opportunity for child-centered divorce.

Mediation promotes child-centered divorce.

Chlid-centered divorce is best for the family as well as the children.

Transformative mediation was first described by Robert A. Baruch Bush and Joseph P. Folger in The Promise of Mediation.  They describe it that the transformative theory starts: “(…(F)rom the premise that inter-relational crisis is what conflict meant to people.  And help in overcoming that crisis is a major part of what parties want fro a mediator…In the transformative mediation process, parties can recapture their sense of competence and connection, reverse the negative conflict cycle, reestablish a constructive (or at least neutral) interaction, and move forward on a positive footing, with the mediator’s help. “ Transformative mediation is not therapy.  The mediator's goal is not to alter the relationship. Rather, the mediator strives to balance the parties' negotiation power while creating opportunities to address underlying issues, within the context of resolving the presenting dispute. 

Should I call the police?

A few days I had a call from a father of a family that I’ve been working with in divorce mediation. He wanted to know if he should call the police when his wife did not permit the children to come with him for his custodial time. He wanted to document the problem.

In today’s post, I’ll continue to share ideas on how to develop a custodial schedule in your parenting plan.  Once you have the decision-making portion of the parenting plan developed, have agreed on some of the objectives and conceptual details about custodial time, you might stumble when creating a calendar, due to unique problems in your family.  In this post, we’ll address some of the challenges I’ve seen parentings struggle with and how they’ve resolved them.

With your decision-making parenting plan in one hand and the answers to some important questions about jobs and schedules in the other, you are ready to start marking up a calendar to decide how to divide custodial time.  You might want to print out some calendars and mark them up with different schedules.  Printed calendars make it easier to evaluate the possible plans.

When you are working in mediation or collaborative law, you can create most any schedule you want to create to suit your families' needs.  

The schedules I’m describing in this post are examples of what has worked for some families. Of course, if you cannot develop a plan through mediation, negotiation, or collaborative processes, you will be stuck with a schedule that a judge creates that may or may not be as tailored to your families’ needs.  

Last week we looked at how to create a parenting plan to divide your decision making after divorce. Establishing details and processes for decision making is the foundation of a terrific parenting plan.   Create a plan with the help of an experienced mediator, family counselor, or collaborative attorney to draft a strong agreement-- built to withstand a lot of wear of tear!  Next, you’ll develop the second part of your parenting plan, a schedule outlining what nights your child is sleeping at each house—or “allocation of custodial responsibility.” 

Developing your parenting plan after a divorce requires planning both how to make important decisions about your child and scheduling how your child will be dividing his or her time between the parents' households.  In mediation, we are able to customize the plan to best meet the needs of each family. 

Another term that does not appear in West Virginia law is “50/50.”  In this post I will describe the problem that arises when parents focuses on a 50/50 split of time between households.  To many “50/50” sounds fair—100% of the time the child’s time is split equally between the parents.  However, slashing the child’s time precisely in half may be “fair” to the parents, but harmful to the child.  In developing a parenting plan, parents who are more interested in the well-being of the children may want to change the focus from the question, “What makes this look fair to me?” to the question, “What schedule can we develop to best meet the needs of our child?”    

You won’t find terms such as “full custody” or “50-50” or “Schedule A visitation” in West Virginia's child custody statutes.  Rather, you’ll find provisions that allow for parents to work hard to create decision making processes and schedules that are tailored to meet the best interests of their child.   Parents who are separating should consider the options provided by mediation and collaborative law in deciding what is best for their children.  Our office provides mediation services and accepts custody matters when the parents are committed to collaborative processes to develop the parenting plan that is best for their child.